This is going to be a public diary so you can invest yourself in your favorite parasocial relationships. This top part is a header because I am too lazy to section this off.

2/5/2026 | "Same Shit Different Day" | 9:38PM

Yeah.. I really dont have much to say anymore. I could rant about every minute detail but I think you would rather I dont. Enough negitivity in the world without me. On a lighter note, I found that taylor had been updating her website recently. So thats nice. Gives me more reason to fill some more of this shit out. Probably nothing important today. I think I'll put a paragraph in the cars tab. I hope that you are having a good day. Goodnight.

2/4/2026 | "Prison Planet" | 10:18PM

Honestly I'm running out of energy to even update this piece of shit anymore. I took it on the chin today. The past 16 hours have been very unkind to me and set up a potentially painful febuary. I have had a theory for a while now regarding humanity on Earth. Very similar to the Prison Planet Theory. Is it possible that there is some higher entity, but rather than being benevolent- it is angry. An angry god who put us here to suffer. Could it be that all the joy you experience in your life is only to increase the contrast and provide context to your suffering? Could it be that every step forwards you have ever taken was simply to adapt you into the form you need to be in order to recieve the most pain from your next form of torture? Every emotional development. Every phisical and mental growth. All of it is present only to form you to the shape that fits your next box of nails. I know its pessimistic to imagine, but for all the optimists who suggest life is full of wonders- there must be someone to balance the scales. Life is indeed so intensely and incredibly rich. I will not deny that there is more to it than the suffering- or joy- that is produced as a biproduct of living. I will say that everyone analyses the texture of their life in a different way. I dont like it. If every event and interaction acts as mold to a givin personality, is it not such a stretch to suggest that an all knowing, all powerful being could have orchestrated such interactions to produce the maximum effect when the next blow of misery enters your life? In other news, my wednesday has not been great. The fans on my pc have been making a strange sound despite being replaced not even 4 weeks ago. This too is upsetting. On the up-side, my county still has not cleared the ice off any public walking paths and instead gave us a delay in compensation. Hurah. I dont want these posts to get super long because I know people hate reading obscenely long unbroken blocks of text, so.. thats all for tonight. I hope your day was nice.

2/3/2026 | "Facade" | 7:36PM

I put on a new face every conversation. Its something I've grown accustomed to. After long enough, it just feels normal. I'm sure there are a great many people that do this and I'm no different, but recently I've been giving myself reason to complain. For starters, the county I live in demanded I come in to school today, forcing me to climb over what must be 9 inches of ice to get to a place I hate. But today I think my apathetic feelings leaked to the surface. I was no longer able to upkeep one constant mural of microexpressions that form the opinion I select to portray myself. Instead I found myself more and more realizing that the hours had flung by to no resolve. Instead I found myself desperate to end every conversation as quickly as possible, adapting the face that would be most effective. Instead I watched myself in the third person; spinning up the engine on the bulldozer to prepare for the demolition of everything I hold near and dear. Unfortunately I've had this fruit before. I have tasted the sour apple of hindsighted regret. Its a self fulfilling prophecy to say that I am turning into the person I was 3 years ago- but I'm so helpless to stop it. I've recently lost everything. I mean every inch of ground I have gained on a personal, social, financial, and material level. Its so hard not to fall into the same mindset that I clawed my way out of. Thats all for today I think. I'll post some more misery tomorrow. On an off note: I hope you, dear reader, are having a good day. If not, pretend like you are.

2/2/2026 | "Groundhog Day" | 1:42PM

Its all the same. I have been doing the same thing every day for the past 9 days. I wake up, go outside, break the ice on my driveway, go inside, drink coffee, and waste the rest of my day doing nothing. I could not have picked a worse routine. I feel so sapped of energy I cant do anything meaningful. The only thing that brings me even remote joy is the development of this website. Its.. why im writing this entry at all. The thing is so barebones right now. All I really need is the content to fill out these useless tabs. I dont even know if I want it to end. Maybe endless apathy is better than minute suffering. I think kafka had good writing on this but I'm too lazy to pull quotes. I'm afraid of slipping into the person I was three year ago. Every day I wake up and find more parallels. Can you imagine having lived three years and gone nowhere? I mean having gone through every experience you have, for 1095 days, and coming out the other side back at the start? Absolutely nothing has changed, despite an utterly insane, event filled 3 years. Nothing. Not the people I'm around. Not the way I think. Not the chair I'm sitting in or the machine I'm writing this on. (barring the ship of theseus). Everything is the same. Having put a brick on the gas pedal, I step out of the car now and look back to find that the wheels have been slipping for 3 years. I dont know what to do anymore. I find some solace in the idea that this website will be something. But, unfortunately, for it to be something- it has to be built. So uh.. thats what I'll do for the next few hours. Happy groundhog day.

2/1/2026 | "New year, old me" | 11:38PM

In all honesty after fixing the formatting errors, its 11:42. I will be straight with you, unknown reader with better things to do: my life has been in freefall for a while now. I have recently been delt devastating blow after devastating blow and have felt absolutely completely helpless. I feel absolutely apathetic every morning and it all blends together. Hours into days, days into weeks, suddenly its 2026 and I'm sitting alone in my room again, unable to make a difference in my own life. Honestly I'm afraid to talk to people not because of social anxiety but because I am worried I'll get the next chapter of this Never Ending Story. Ugh. The hyper link is purple. I'm going to spend the next 20 minutes figuring out how to make it red. If I give up.. it will probably still be purple when you read this. Ah, Figured it out. So proud of myself. Its the little wins that keep you from getting a grippy sock vacation. (iykyk). Anyways, I got some more bad news from an other I consider very significant. It is what it is. I was really tired and bored and feeling fairly helpless today; something I truely hate. So I did what I could. I played some guitar, cooked some food, did some laundry, and decided I had to one-up my friend Taylor because she had made a website here upon my reccomendation. So, the domaine I had used prior when I found neocities became home to this project. She hasnt updated her website since late december of last year and I cant tell if it makes me more or less motivated to continue with mine. Either way, I felt intimidated so I spent a few hours making this. It was honestly cathartic to make something. Even if it is a rancid cobbled together website viewed rarely and generally passed by, I really enjoyed the process of problem solving to get here. I have no real aspirations for this website, but as I have been out of school for some weeks now due to the winter storm, I figured I should do something to keep my mind occupied before I get any bad ideas. It has been a really long year so far. I cant wait for the next 11 months to bring me something better. Its 12:24 now. I should probably go to sleep. I hope that if anyone ends up reading this, they forget about it in the morning. Goodnight.